5 Ways Self Care Can Help You Have Better Sex

No matter how excited you are to hit the sheets, sometimes it’s just hard to turn it on for sex. Your brain might be crazy distracted, for example, or it's been a long day and you feel exhausted. Somehow, you're just not in the right head space for that closeness and pleasure you crave.

That's where self care comes in. You know self care; these are moves you do to treat your mind and body to some TLC, from sleeping in to doing a digital detox to signing up for mindful meditation. Whatever self-care moves you do, the goal is to unpack stress and feel more joy.

That means joy in the bedroom as well, says psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini, a sex and relationship expert in Houston. Whether you need to dial back anxious thoughts or prime yourself to feel more sensual, these five self-care moves to do before the action begins will make it happen.

Slip into a hot bath

Even if you only have 15 minutes, locking the bathroom door and soaking in a warm tub will get rid of stress and prime your body for pleasure. “Research has shown that how a woman feels about her body is the most important factor when it comes to her libido,” says Rapini. Taking time to do things that put you in a sexy state of mind can go a long way.

Add bath oil to revive your skin, close your eyes and imagine stress dissolving, and then dry off with a luxuriant fluffy towel. Rapini also recommends lightly massaging yourself while in the tub (or afterward as you put on lotion) to get comfortable with your naked body.

Arouse your senses

Maybe you pump yourself up during a workout with a motivating playlist, or you light a few candles in your living room to burn away anxiety after a long day. The same kind of sensual moves can get you ready for great sex too. 

Before you're planning to hit the bedroom, Rapini advises turning on whatever sexy music speaks to you (she suggests D'Angelo Radio on Pandora). As for scent, go with fragrances that have notes of amber, vanilla, or green tea, which can charge your sex drive. Spritz on a perfume or add a couple drops into a diffuser as you get ready for the evening.

Touch yourself

If masturbation isn't already part of your self-care routine, this is a reason to add it in. When you're alone and you feel comfortable, take matters into your own hands; if you prefer a vibrator, break it out. Solo sex (whether you reach orgasm or not) will increase lubrication and amp your desire.

“Some women just need that time to be alone to get heated,” says Rapini. Plus, consider this: Research from 2013 found that female masturbation was associated with feeling sexually empowered, in part because it helps women learn what turns them on. 

Dress so you feel sexy 

Wearing revealing outfits isn't just about visually turning on your partner; it can help turn you on too. “I encourage women to wear something that flaunts the part of their body they like the most,” says Rapini. That may be a camisole to show off your shoulders, for instance, or short short cutoff jeans that highlight your legs. You can wear nothing at all—or put on your most comfy sweats and a tee. “Do what feels good for you,” she says. Wearing clothes you think are sexy will get your mind to a sexy place.

Break out your yoga mat

If there’s anything yoga can't do for you, we haven’t found it yet. Before you plan on getting busy, do a series of downward dogs. Not only is it a super way to stretch your hips, but being upside down gets blood flowing into your brain to clear your head and boost your energy. Says Rapini: “A bad day will crush your libido. This move brings you back into the mood." And the body awareness and mindfulness that yoga promotes will give you an extra sensual boost too.

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6 Things Your Partner's Penis Can Tell You About His Health

You know how a change in the way your vagina looks or feels can clue you in to a wider health issue? It's the same with your partner's penis. Lumps, pain, swelling, and other weirdness can be signs of a sexual health problem—or a tip-off to a bigger body issue.

RELATED: Here's How Big the Average Penis Is, According to Science

But even though they pay a lot of attention to their private parts (hello, manscaping!), guys are not all that great at looking out for health-related symptoms and doing something about them. That's where you come in. Let Ryan Berglund, MD, a urologist at the Cleveland Clinic, go through the top penis problems he sees in his practice. If you notice any of these on your partner, urge him get checked by his doctor.

His erect penis has a curve

The top issue Dr. Berglund sees is a curvature of the penis that comes on suddenly. “It’s from a relatively common condition called Peyronie’s disease, which is caused by a buildup of scar tissue,” he explains. Doctors aren't sure why some men develop a Peyronie's curve (it can go up, down, or to the side), but it could stem from a penile injury, say while playing sports.

A little curving can be normal. “If you think of zero degrees being perfectly straight and 90 degrees the most extreme curve, we will usually address a curve greater than 30 degrees or if it’s interfering with intercourse,” Dr. Berglund says. Treatment varies, so it's best to urge your partner see a urologist and find out his options. Another reason to go to the doc? Men with Peyronie's are at an increased risk of several cancers, according to a 2017 study in Fertility & Sterility.

There's a lump under the skin

Another major concern patients bring to Dr. Berglund: a penile lump. “Usually, guys feel a hardness, and sometimes it’s [caused by] a blood vessel," he says. A blocked lymph gland can also be to blame. "Or men will say there’s a hardness in the center, which is often that scar tissue from Peyronie’s," he adds.

A urologist visit is in order, but scary as it sounds, “it’s typically not cancer,” says Dr. Berglund. Odds are the lump is benign, and your guy may not need to address it at all. But if it's caused by scar tissue, and there's a significant amount affecting intercourse, a physician may be able to dissolve or remove it.

His penis has one or more tiny bumps 

Lots of things cause penis bumps. “It could be anything from a benign lesion—you can get pimples anywhere, from the face and back to the penis—to something called ‘pearly penile papules,’ which are just tiny bumps,” says Dr. Berglund. Cysts are also common, and like penile papules, generally not a big deal.

RELATED: 7 Sex Positions Only Fitness Buffs Should Attempt

However, some bumps are a bigger deal. Genital warts, an STI caused by certain types of HPV, is one possibility. On the penis, these warts "often look like little heads of cauliflower," Dr. Berglund says. In the case of warts, your man will want to see his doc; the warts can be “burned off, lasered off, or [removed] with medications.” And you should talk to your ob-gyn about your HPV and genital wart risk, and ask her if she recommends testing.

He has a penis sore

“Sores on the skin of the penis can be painful or not painful,” says Dr. Berglund. Depending on which your guy is experiencing, you’re looking at different issues. “With syphilis, you’ll find a sore, but it is usually not painful and can be treated with a simple shot of penicillin,” he explains. “Herpes also causes a sore, and we have drugs to reduce flares and outbreaks.”

This is another penis problem that can affect your health, since both herpes and syphilis are STIs. Give your doctor a call and tell her that you may have been exposed, and if she suggests tests.

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He's having pee issues

Blood in his urine is one pee problem that warrants concern, even if it's just a slight amount says Dr. Berglund, adding that cancer is a possible cause. “We’ll want to do a scan, and look at organs like the kidneys.” Don't panic: Seeing pink or red when you expect to see yellow can also signal kidney stones, a bladder infection, or an injury.

Other urination issues—like bladder retention, when your guy’s not fully eliminating—are usually the result of a benign enlarged prostate. Dr. Berglund advises being screened for prostate cancer just to be on the safe side, though that recommendation depends on your partner's age, background, and family history. “If possible, it is important to catch prostate cancer before it becomes symptomatic,” he says. This can be accomplished with an exam and a blood test.

RELATED: The Best and Worst Foods for Your Vagina

There's a lump in his testicle

It's not strictly a penis issue, But since his testicles hang right below, they have the potential to affect your partner's entire package. It's not uncommon for a guy to detect a lump, and luckily, it's usually something benign. If your guy feels a lump and pain, it could be an infection, and he'll need antibiotics to clear it up.

A more worrisome type of lump is caused by something called testicular torsion, when the cord that supplies blood to the testes has become twisted and cut off. Often caused by an injury, symptoms come on quick and may be accompanied by fever, nausea, scrotal swelling, and abdominal pain. Testicular torsion is a medical emergency. If this sounds like something your partner may have, get him to the ER at once.

Another potentially serious lump could be caused by testicular cancer. "Testicular cancer is the most common cancer in men between the ages of 15 and 45, and it’s highly treatable with early detection," says Dr. Berglund. If you suspect this, make sure your guy doesn't put off an MD visit.

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We Asked Men to Tell Us What They Know About Boobs and We're Still Laughing

If you’re in the mood to laugh, this one is for you. In case you’re unfamiliar, Health has been polling real men on everything they know about women’s health topics, from birth controland the g-spot to the placenta. In this video, we tested their breast IQ, asking them what they know about cup sizes, nipple covers, and mammograms. To call the results hilarious would be an understatement.

WATCH THE VIDEO: We Asked 7 Guys to Explain Menopause—Here's What Happened

Let’s start from the beginning. First, we asked our dude panel to explain where you measure a woman’s body in order to determine her bra size. “A department store?” guessed one guy. “Maybe on one nipple?” another said. A third thought breast size was determined by measuring the distance between the breasts and the shoulders. Guys, just... no. Luckily one participant got closer when he guessed that you “wrap it around her whole body.” If he means around the fullest part of the bust and under the bust, he’s correct.

RELATED: 20 Things You Need to Know About Your Nipples

Almost none of the men knew what a nipple cover was (one guy mistook it for a sanitary pad!), but we let that one slide. Most entertaining might just be how they acted out a self breast exam, which, by the way, is no longer recommended as a cancer screening method. Let’s just say their demonstrations were, um, interesting? It’s a must-watch.

In all seriousness, a woman’s lifetime risk of breast cancer is one in eight, so it pays for you (and your partner) to know your breasts—well. Go ahead and educate your man if he’s unfamiliar with any of the above. Chances are he won’t mind one bit.

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10 Eye-Opening Facts You Actually Didn’t Know About Vaginas, Sex, Orgasms, and More

When it comes to sexual health, we'd like to think we've covered it all—from male and female anatomy to sex, orgasms, and fertility. And we've definitely delved into our fair share of questionable vagina trends, such as whether inserting garlic into the vagina can treat a yeast infection and if squatting over steaming coffee really will induce labor. (No and no, for the record.)

So when we came across The Wonder Down Under ($21, amazon.com), we were surprised to learn that there’s actually a lot more we haven't covered concerning sex and sexual health. In fact, we learned so much from coauthors and sex educators Nina Brochmann, MD, and Ellen Stokken Dahl, we knew we had to share. Below, 10 fascinating tidbits you probably didn’t know about your wonder down under. 

RELATED: 20 Facts Every Woman Must Know About Her Vagina

There’s more to the clitoris than meets the eye

Most people think that the clitoris is a small pleasure zone tucked inside the vulva. Turns out that what you see is only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. The clitoris extends well into the pelvis—and it develops from the same tissue as the penis.

“Up until about the twelfth week in the uterus, the genital tracts of male and female embryos are exactly alike, dominated by a kind of mini-penis (or giga-clitoris!) known as the genital tubercle,” write Brochmann and Stokken Dahl. “It has the potential to develop into either a female or male sexual organ. Since the penis and clitoris both develop from the same basic structure, the two organs share many similarities of form and function.”

One difference: The head of the clitoris has 50 times the concentration of nerve endings as does the head of a penis. No wonder even a little too much pressure there can quickly go from pleasurable to painful.

Pubic hair can boost your sexual pleasure

Going bare down there might make you feel sexier. But keeping some pubic hair comes with a surprising benefit: more pleasure during sex. Hair around the vagina helps "to heighten our sexual sensitivity,” the authors state. “If your partner strokes you lightly over your pubic hair, the bending of the hairs will send a signal to the follicles, which will pass the message on to your nervous system.” Without bush, you might be cheating yourself out of sexual sensation.

RELATED: Is Bush Really Back? Most Women Are Still Going Bare Down There, Study Finds

If you are shaving down below, cheaper razors are better

Yep, you read that right. Apparently single-blade razors are better. Why? Pricier ones that come with multiple blades are more likely to cause ingrown hairs, since each additional blade cuts hair farther beneath the surface of the skin. “What’s more, the high price means that a lot of people avoid changing blades as often as they should, so that the blades become blunt and covered in bacteria,” according to Brochmann and Stokken Dahl. 

Discharge keeps things clean

“The purpose of discharge is to keep the vagina clean and to flush out unwelcome guests such as fungi and bacteria, as well as dead cells from the surface of the mucous membrane,” write the authors. This whitish or clear fluid (depending on where you are in your cycle) also contains a decent amount of good bacteria, like lactobacilli, to help ward off infections.

That’s not all though. Discharge helps lubricate the mucous membranes in the vagina. Without it, we’d be way more likely to experience tears, sores, painful sex, and STIs. Never thought we'd be saying this, but discharge is your BFF.

RELATED: This Video Shows How mUch Vaginal Discharge is Normal (It’s Way More Than You Think)

You have your period for 6.5 years straight

Let’s break it down: Say you bleed once a month for five days. That’s 60 days of bleeding every year. If you have a period for 40 years, that’s 2,400 days of menstruation, which equals about 6.5 years over the course of your life. Mind. Blown.

Yes, it's safe to do headstands during your period

Avid yogis have probably heard yoga instructors advise against inversions (think: handstands, headstands) while menstruating. Yet there’s actually no reason to avoid the challenging poses during shark week. “Periods are the expulsion of the endometrium. You get no more and no less endometrial growth no matter what you do,” the authors tell us. So feel free to do a headstand (or swim, or have sex, or run a marathon!) at that time of the month.

Having an orgasm might kickstart your period

Have you ever had sex . . . and then immediately started your flow? You’re not alone. While experts aren’t totally sure why this happens, they do have a few theories. One is the “cramps theory,” which holds that the same uterine contractions responsible for pushing out period blood also trigger contractions during orgasm. So if you’re having sex right before your period is set to start, the muscle spasms that take place when you climax may help release menstrual blood.

RELATED: The Best (and Worst) Exercises for Pregnant Women

Most women don't truly have PMS

We may call our pre-period mood swings and chocolate cravings PMS, but true premenstrual syndrome is a condition that causes symptoms so severe, they prevent women from engaging in everyday life. They also tend to occur almost every month, not just once in a while.

“Moreover, the symptoms must start and stop at the times typical for PMS: They must start in the premenstrual phase and stop when your period arrives,” write the authors. “Around 20 to 30 percent of all women have symptoms that qualify as mild or moderate PMS.” 

Sex drives aren't really a thing

It’s a myth that we are born with a sex drive. “Drives are like instincts that help keep us alive,” explain the authors. “They are what cause thirst, hunger, and tiredness among others.” So although life would be less interesting, we don’t actually need to have sex in order to survive.

Brochmann and Stokken Dahl say we should instead think of sexual desire as a reward. “The system only works as long as sex serves as a reward for the brain. In other words, we’re not born with a sexual appetite, we become sexually desirous.”

RELATED: We Asked 8 Women What an Orgasm Feels Like to Them—Here’s What They Told Us

Working out before sex can make an orgasm more likely

Here’s a good reason to get sweaty before you get sexy. “Exercise, especially right before sex, makes it easier for you to get aroused and increases many people’s capacity to reach orgasm,” write Brochmann and Stokken Dahl. BRB, heading out for an evening jog. . . . 

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